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How to Change Your Name Officially in 642 Easy Steps
by Shirley Hodge (formerly Kacmarik)

In 1970, at the time of my divorce, I decided to keep my married name as it was my children's legal name and anticipating a decade of so of explaining why my surname was different than my children's I decided it was just easier to remain Kacmarik. It served me well as I had already changed it on my Social Security, drivers license and did not get my first passport until 2 years after my marriage anticipating a trip to Czechoslovakia to visit my in-laws, which trip never materialized as they finally got exit visas from the then USSR powers that be to emigrate to the US (someday I will tell you about the surprises that US Immigration and the USSR travel agency had for me but that is another loooooong story).

Well, after moving to the UK (although I was living in Glasgow, Scotland that is legally and officially the UK, not Scotland) anyway I no more than arrived than Jim started urging me to revert to my Scottish maiden name of Hodge. However to expedite the electronic transfer of my SS checks and for other business reasons I opened a checking account in a local bank using my passport and my SS number and my NYS drivers license for ID, it was later when I tried to change my account name to Hodge that I was told that in order to do that I had to have a passport with the name Hodge on it. Then to maintain my prescription medications, having only a few weeks supply that I had brought with me I signed up for the NHS (National Health Service and yes it does work or at least it did for me because for the 3.5 years I was there I never paid a cent for any medical service including prescriptions (all prescription medications for persons over 60 are free) and 2 hospitalizations.). Also, I signed on with the Immigration Service as a legal resident. I was able to do this quite easily as my mother was born in Inverness.

All problems seemed solved when Jim decided I should resume my maiden name. Well wanting to please him I called the US Consulate in London and to my surprise was told that there was a legation in Edinburgh. They also sent me a brochure outlining the steps I had to take. Firstly, I discovered that the photos taken in the mall photo booths were no longer acceptable for US passports (probably something George Bush dreamed up) that they had to be a certain size and there were only two professional photographers in Scotland who took authorized US passport photos. Luckily (and this was the last good luck I experienced) one was in Glasgow so I called his studio and made an appointment. It cost me £18.00 (about $36.00) for 3 correctly sized photos which were just as horrible as the ones one gets in the photo booths only a little larger. So with horrible photo, birth certificate, divorce certificate and Jim in tow I went to Edinburgh. We drove up the street where the legation was located only to be halted by huge concrete barriers across the street about 1-1/2 blocks from the actual building. Problem was that there was no place to park as all of the spaces were taken on the side of the road the legation was on and “No Parking” signs on the entire of the other side. Jim turned around and we drove to the end of that road and went on the main road where further along we found the other end of the street where the legation building stood. Once again we were halted by huge concrete barriers across the road about 1-1/2 blocks from the legation front door. We could see the huge US flag fluttering over the door so it was easy to locate but again we were stymied as there was parking on both sides of the street but signs limiting parking to residents of the buildings. Finally we decided to park in a space as close to the legation as we could get, put my handicapped parking sign in the window, cross our fingers and go. Once there, I was surprised as they accepted my papers, Jim signed a paper saying he knew me as Hodge, I paid my $96.00 and in a little over a month had my new passport and my old one returned, canceled. However when we went outside there was a police man suspiciously eyeing our car and the handicapped sign. Luckily I had my cane with me so, great actress that I am I bent nearly double and waddled over to the car. I spoke to the officer politely and he said "Ah, you are an American, that is why you are here." I almost said "duh" but thought better of it and we got into the car and drove off without a ticket. (Here I might add that parking tickets in Scotland, and all of the UK are really expensive, those old cities were never built for automobile traffic and as more and more automobiles came along a parking space was cause for war so heavy fines are imposed all over. Now that they have learned how to build huge malls with lots of parking, things are getting better but in center city, any city, you can pay a parking fine as high as £500.00 for just not feeding the meter.)

Well back to my saga. I got my bank account changed after filling out 4-5 papers then I decided to tackle my SS. When in the legation in Edinburgh there was a wall rack filled with all kinds of forms and brochures and I managed to find a SS form to change, name, address et al so I grabbed it. I filled it out and sent it to the SS Administration in Washington as instructed on the paper. Well about 3 weeks later I got back another set of blank forms identical to the ones I had sent with a little hand written post it note asking me to fill these out and send them to an address in Baltimore, MD. Knowing better than to argue with a bureaucrat I did as they requested and heard nothing more. After about 6 weeks I decided to call the Consulate in London as they had a toll free number and I explained the SS problem to a lady who had an American accent so I hoped she knew what I was talking about. She said she would look into it and 2 weeks later I got a third set of the forms identical to the originals with a hand written request that I fill them out and send them to the SS office in Wilkes Barre, PA. So being an obedient one (stop sniggering, Levy) I did as asked again and 5 weeks later I got my new SS card. That however was not the end of the saga as they still had my checking account in the name of Kacmarik so I had to refile to have my SS check in the name of Hodge electronically transferred to my checking account even though the account number had not changed. That took about two months so I didn't get a check for 2 months but they did catch me up finally.

Next to tackle was changing my name on my medical records. Well I first went to the doctor's office and explained to the receptionist, I handed over my new passport and drew a blank. Seems she had no idea what to do as no patient had ever asked to have their name changed. I asked the woman if none of doctor's patients had ever gotten married. "Oh yes." she said so I asked her why they couldn't just do the same for my name. After much consulting with people in another office the receptionist came back out with another woman in tow who ushered me around the corner and into an office. There I had to fill out a form and the woman scribbled in the margin that this was not a marital name change but a divorce name change. I didn't argue, I figured if we got this far I wasn't going to throw any wrenches into the works. Oddly the druggist at the pharmacy where I got my prescriptions just smiled and said that would be fine. I think he had more than 3 functioning brain cells. I told Jim that I would wait to change my name at the hospital if I ever needed their services again (actually I went in for the 5 year colonoscopy that I am required to have since my colon cancer, and the doctor wanted me to stay overnight as he said he was worried about possible bleeding which never happened but that night I came down with a fever and lo and behold had the MRSA bug which is endemic in UK hospitals and ended up staying 7 days as they take it quite seriously.) Anyway Jim didn't think it would be a good idea to wait "Suppose you had a heart attack and they couldn't find your old records." So I went over to Victoria and spent 2 hours with a lady with a Scottish brogue so thick that even Jim couldn't understand half of what she said but eventually it was done. That left only the immigration office. Actually that was quite easy I showed them my new passport and that was it except I had to file a Deed Poll, which is a form you fill out saying you are going to change your name to whatever, have it notarized and send it off to some official office in London. They send you back a form showing your new name, no questions asked, and you are somebody new. That would be a nice way to dodge bill collectors.

Well, that is the name change saga, but one more glitch. When I came back to the US I went to my bank in Glasgow and closed the account and had about £1200.00 in cash. No problems getting it through security as it was in the bottom of my purse and there is no limit on money nowadays but when I went to deposit it in my new US checking account I was told it would take 6-10 weeks and cost me about $20.00. Well I will be damned if I was going to give Wachovia Bank $20.00 bucks for nothing so I looked around and finally found out that the AAA would do it for $8.00 in about 10 days. The smart thing to do of course would have been to change it at the airport when I got back but was just so happy to be home I forgot. (Anybody want to hear the story of my 10 hour flight delay?) Pays to be cheap sometimes.

Now is that a perfect example of sexist bureaucracy or not?

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